Movie Quotes Blog

Crook:
Hi. My name is Bob. I’ll be your robber.

Harris:
[hands him the money] Hi, how are you?

Crook:
Thank you very much.

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[Harris is trying to convince Sara not to go back to England]

Harris:
There comes a time in a person’s life when it’s now or never. It’s now or never. Let me read to you from this book of poems: “O pointy birds, o pointy pointy. Anoint…”

[Sara slams window shut]

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Harris:
I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.

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Harris:
We’ve got sun, earth, and atmosphere, and when you’ve got that, you’ve got weather!

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Harris:
[after seeing tiny dinner at L’Idiot’s] I’m already finished and I don’t remember eating.

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Trudi:
One of the first things I always teach my clients is about the point system. You should never have more than seven things on. You know, like your earrings count for two points, those daisies count for three points. But the best thing to do is, right before you go out, look in the mirror and turn around real fast, and the first thing that catches your eye, get rid of it. I mean, I had this thing in my hair before I left, remember? And I pulled it right out, ’cause as soon as I turned, gone! Marilyn Monroe did that.

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Harris:
If confusion about your love life is ruining your day, I think it’s good to go over to your best friend’s house and ruin her day too.

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Sara:
What did you have in mind?

Harris:
Well, I was thinking of taking you on a cultural tour of L.A.

Sara:
That’s the first ten minutes, then what?

Harris:
All right, a cynic. First stop is six blocks from here.

Sara:
Why don’t we walk?

Harris:
Walk? A walk in L.A.?

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[Harris kisses Sara. ]

Sara:
Oh no, I can’t. This is how Mommy met Daddy.

Harris:
Let your mind go and your body will follow.

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Harris:
So there I was jabbering at her about my new job as a serious newsman - about anything at all - but all I could think was wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, and most wonderful and yet again, wonderful.

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Tom:
I’ll have a decaf coffee.

Trudi:
I’ll have a decaf espresso.

Morris Frost:
I’ll have a double decaf cappuccino.

Ted:
Give me decaffeinated coffee ice cream.

Harris:
I’ll have a half double decaffeinated half-caf, with a twist of lemon.

Trudi:
I’ll have a twist of lemon.

Tom:
I’ll have a twist of lemon.

Morris Frost:
I’ll have a twist of lemon.

Cynthia:
I’ll have a twist of lemon.

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Harris:
A sign spoke to me, said I was in trouble.

Trudi:
If you’re talking to signs, you are in trouble.

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Harris:
Here, let me not drive for a while.

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Harris:
When I really analyze it, Trudi wasn’t for me anyway. The only good times we had were having sex and laying in bed watching TV.

Ariel:
I hate to tell you this, Harris, but if you can find somebody you can have sex with and lie in bed and watch TV, you’ve really got something.

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Trudi:
Sheila has been studying the art of conversation.

Harris:
Oh, you’re taking a course in conversation?

Sheila:
Yes.

[Long pause]

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Harris:
Sitting there at that moment I thought of something else Shakespeare said. He said, “Hey… life is pretty stupid; with lots of hubbub to keep you busy, but really not amounting to much.” Of course I’m paraphrasing: “Life is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

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Sara:
Roland thinks L.A. is a place for the brain-dead. He says, if you turned off the sprinklers, it would turn into a desert. But I think - I don’t know, it’s not what I expected. It’s a place where they’ve taken a desert and turned it into their dreams. I’ve seen a lot of L.A. and I think it’s also a place of secrets: secret houses, secret lives, secret pleasures. And no one is looking to the outside for verification that what they’re doing is all right. So what do you say, Roland?

Roland:
I still say it’s a place for the brain-dead.

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[Trudi is loading a gun]

Harris:
Don’t point it at me!

Trudi:
Sorry, I don’t know gun etiquette.

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Harris:
But then I’d just be using you to get back at her!

SanDeE*:
I don’t mind.

Harris:
Let’s go!

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Harris:
I call it performance art, but my friend Ariel calls it wasting time. History will decide.

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Sara:
I keep thinking I’m a grown up, but I’m not.

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Harris:
I’ve been thinking about myself and I think I can become the kind of person that’s worth you staying for. First of all, I’m a man who can cry. Now it’s true, it’s usually when I’ve hurt myself, but it’s a start.

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[as they walk to the restaurant, a loud clanging sound is heard]

Harris:
What’s that clanging sound?

Roland:
It’s a nuisance. It’s my damn testicles.

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Roland:
That’s the difference between England and America. The English maintain civil relationships with their ex’s. Americans sue them.

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Harris:
You’re on time.

Sara:
Actually I’m late.

Harris:
You’re exactly on time.

Sara:
But I had planned to be early.

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[first lines]

Valerie:
Bob! Bob, take it easy!

Dr. Bob Merrick:
Easy? Where’s that get ya?

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Dr. Bob Merrick:
All art is to me is a name.

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Dr. Bob Merrick:
[of a plan to do anonymous good works] Well, if it’s as simple as all that, why, I’ll certainly give it a chance.

Edward Randolph:
Now wait, Merrick! Don’t try to use this unless you’re ready for it! You can’t just try this out for a week like a new car, you know! And if you think you can feather your own nest with it, just forget it. Besides, this is dangerous stuff. One of the first men who used it went to the Cross at the age of thirty-three …

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Dr. Robert Merrick:
Take back to the cook and tell her that if she brings back again, I’m gonna buy this hospital and fire her and everybody else in it. I want some decent breakfast.

Nurse:
It’s the same breakfast we serve all the patients.

Dr. Robert Merrick:
Yeah, but I am “The Special”.

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Dr. Robert Merrick:
Help? You mean give them money?

Randolph:
Money is alright since you have so much of it but there are other kind of help just as good but whatever help you give it must be in absolute secrecy that the world must never know and you must never let anybody repay you.

Dr. Robert Merrick:
You mean, if I’d go out and help people secretly that would establish that “contact” you speak of?

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[last lines]

Tereza:
What are you thinking about?

Tomas:
I’m thinking about how happy I am.

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Tomas:
I must go.

Sabina:
Don’t you ever spend the night at the woman’s place?

Tomas:
Never!

Sabina:
What about when the woman’s at your place?

Tomas:
I tell her I have insomnia… anything. Besides, I have a very narrow bed.

Sabina:
Are you afraid of women, Doctor?

Tomas:
Of course.

---

Sabina:
I’ve met another man. He’s the best man I’ve ever met. He’s bright, handsome and he’s crazy about me. And, he’s married. There’s only one thing; he doesn’t like my hat.

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[first lines]

First Title Card:
In Prague, in 1968, there lived a young doctor named Tomas…

Tomas:
Take off your clothes.

[line recurs several times during film]

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Tereza:
I don’t understand how someone can MAKE love without BEING in love.

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Hector Moses:
If your legs were as long as your schlong, you’d be a basketball player.

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[last lines]

Edward Randolph:
Once you find the way, you’ll be bound. It will obsess you. but believe me, it will be a magnificent obsession.

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Harry:
It’s the sh*t-shoveller with the arse out of his trousers and two bob in his pocket that makes Australia. Every time there’s a bit of trouble, there he is, standing like a bloody fool outside the recruiting office with his hand out for a rifle, while the rich boys are hanging back, or waiting for their father to get then a nice, safe job. And while you’re stuck over here with a lot of poor bastards from the other side, who are just as scared as you, shooting at you, the rich kids are back home, having a bit of a slum or a chop at yer bird.”

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[Bill has picked up a prostitute.]

Prostitute:
You like me?

Bill:
Yeah.

Prostitute:
You very big.

Bill:
I bet you say that to all the heroes.

Prostitute:
Come, we lie down.

Bill:
No, we stand.

Prostitute:
You crazy?

Bill:
Probably.

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Bill:
[trying to drink a can of beer] I can’t find the hole.

Harry:
You could if it had hair ’round it.

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Harry:
I said ‘get f*cked’, you great beer-sodden bag of sh*t!

Sergeant-Major:
Right, you’re all on a charge.

Harry:
Well, you’d better make it murder, because I’m gonna knock your block off.

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Sergeant-Major:
You lot think you’re supermen. Tin heroes, more like.

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