Movie Quotes Blog

Rick:
Can I talk to you second?

Dex:
I’m blanching the butter.

Rick:
Okay, Martha Stewart. When you’re done?

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Dex:
I’m serious. If you’re hanging out with women as friends, your doing your research in the wrong library.

Dave:
What’s wrong with being friends with women?

Dex:
Nothing, but getting out of that category of ‘friend’ is harder than like getting out of Alcatraz.

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Rick:
This is almost as ridiculous as your sleeping diet.

Dex:
That time I lost 30 pounds.

Rick:
You also lost your job.

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Dave:
Okay, so if I’m not a Steve, then what am I?

Dex:
You… You’re… a Stu.

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Dex:
I’m gonna tell you this one last time and maybe you should tattoo it on your dick so you don’t forget, okay? “We pursue that which retreats from us.”

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Dex:
The Tao of Steve isn’t about picking up lots of women. It’s about being the best person you can be, and I’m not.

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Julie:
You have so many great books.

Dex:
[Mumbling] The better to seduce you with.

Julie:
What?

Dex:
The better to deduce the truth with.

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Syd:
Don Giovanni slept with thousands of women because he was afraid he wouldn’t be loved by one.

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Syd:
Okay, so, if you’re falling in love with me, then why are you with all these other women?

Dex:
Oh, come on. Am I supposed to remain celibate while I bask in like the warm glow of your annihilating contempt?

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Dex:
You think all Buddhist monks are like the Dalai Lama? I mean, you don’t there are guys in Nepal, right, who are like, “What should I do? Should I carry packs of heavy sh*t for Westerners up to the top of the base camp on Mt. Everest, or should I stay down here in Katmandu and maybe just chant all day and check out chicks and pretend to be holy?”

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Kevin ‘Tiger’ Dunn:
[referring to all the other cadets, save Dotson] They won’t let me go on a “Black Op,” because I’m too little, and nobody ever lets you do anything when you’re little.

Major Payne:
Aw, phooey! Don’t you ever read any of those stories about little people who do big things? Little Red Riding Hood! The Three Little Pigs! Spike Lee! The Little Rascals! How about the Little Engine That Could!

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Major Benson Winifred Payne:
Be advised, ladies, we are going to WIN the Virginia Military Games this year! You will note my emphasis on the word WIN: Whisky! India! November! GET USED TO THE SOUND OF THAT WORD!

[and later, as he’s introducing the cadets to their new, off-campus quarters]

Major Benson Winifred Payne:
A squad that lives together, wins together! UNITY, turds: that is the key word in UNIT, without the “Y!”

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Major Payne:
One, tubby, tubby! Two, tubby, tubby!

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Major Payne:
If he’s still in there he ain’t happy!

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Heathcoat:
Why do I have to wear the dress?

Alex Stone:
Because you are the one with the biggest tits!

[laughter]

Heathcoat:
SHUT UP!

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Rick:
Dex is just bitter because he’s never been in love.

Dex:
[Offended] I love my dog.

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Dex:
Look at me. Look at me, okay? Technically, I shouldn’t be getting laid, but I do. And do you know why, Dave? Because when I’m hanging out with a woman, that’s all I’m doing is hanging out, talking, listening. I’m not sitting there thinking about how to get in bed with her. And this completely confuses them because they’re saying “Wait a minute. I’m so much better looking than this guy. Isn’t he attracted to me?” The basic principle: We pursue that which retreats from us.

Rick:
It’s from Heidegger.

Unnamed Guy Playing Poker:
Groucho Marks said the same thing. “Act like a woman can’t join your club, and she’ll do almost anything to get in.”

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Dex:
You couldn’t resist my powerful penetrating stare, could you?

Syd:
No, I wanted to tell you, you had a huge glob of guacamole on your shirt.

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Dex:
[Dex, talking to his dog] Quit looking at me like that! You’re acting like a co-dependant girlfriend!

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Rick:
There’ll be walking.

Dex:
[Unimpressed] Yeah?

Rick:
And climbing.

Dex:
I know.

Rick:
Outdoors.

Dex:
Shut the f*ck up.

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Dave:
[Paraphrasing the Tao of Steve] “Be desireless. Be excellent. Be gone.”

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Dex:
Steve is the prototypical cool American male. Y’know, I’m talking about Steve McGarrett, alright? Steve Austin, Steve McQueen. Y’know, he’s the guy on his horse, the guy alone. He has his own code of honor, his own code of ethics, his own rules of living, man. He never, ever tries to impress the women but he always gets the girl.

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Syd:
So, you smoke pot for breakfast, you work part time, and you…

Dex:
…have limited potential.

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Dex:
What are you excellent at?

Dave:
I’m an excellent camper.

Dex:
Ok, but you can’t camp in front of a woman.

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Dex:
Do you want to have sex with this woman?

Dave:
Definitely.

Dex:
Okay, then you’re violating the first rule of being Steve.

Dave:
Who?

Dex:
You must learn to eliminate your desire.

Rick:
It’s Buddhist.

Dex:
I think the Taoists said it first.

Rick:
Hey, are we gonna have a seminar or are we gonna play golf?

Dex:
Just a short seminar on the elimination of desire, okay? If you’re out with this girl and even THINKING about getting laid, you’re finished, cuz women can smell an agenda like sh*t on a shoe.

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Maggie:
[to Dex] But you’ve never been happy with any women you’ve dated.

Dex:
Well, that’s Male Insanity Syndrome. Ya know, that is just you’re with a woman and no matter how cool she is, you’re always thinking “Maybe I could do a little better or I could trade up somehow.

Syd:
“Trade up?”

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Dex:
Doing stuff is overrated. Like Hitler. He did a lot. But don’t we all wish he woulda just stayed home and gotten stoned?

Syd:
Oh, I see. So you’re only options are to get stoned or commit genocide?

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Doctor:
Do you smoke?

Dex:
I have the occasional pack a day.

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Dex:
Dating’s so tricky, that’s all. And you’re really cool. You have a great personality. I just don’t wanna… I just don’t wanna mess up our friendship.

Julie:
Friendship? We just met!

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Dex:
You think it’s more honest to pretend to listen to a woman when you’re just thinking about getting laid.

Dave:
I think it’s more honest than pretending I don’t wanna get laid, ya know?

Dex:
That’s the whole point. Don’t pretend, man. Just really let go of your desire.

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Kobras:
The man who control the destiny of the world will be here! When the world is mine, I alone will decide whether it is to be war or peace, life or death, according to the New Order which I shall establish!

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Prof. Tony Farms:
Uhm, tell me. Are we meeting in a dream?

Jane Dobson:
I don’t think so.

Prof. Tony Farms:
Then it’s really true. I fell from the third floor.

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Jane Dobson:
Have you ever made love in the air?

Prof. Tony Farms:
How else would you make little puma men?

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Jane Dobson:
I’ve never seen anybody make love in the air before!

Prof. Tony Farms:
But that’s how you make little puma men.

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Kobras:
There is often more truth in legend than in history.

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Major Payne:
I surprised you ain’t dropped ’bout 12 puppies by now. Ain’t you never been married?

Emily:
Yeah, I was.

Major Payne:
What happened? You terminate his command?

Emily:
No, actually he left. I wanted children, he didn’t.

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Major Benson Winifred Payne:
[Payne has just been informed that the USMC has run out of battles for him to fight, AND has passed him over for promotion to Lieutenant Colonel] General, are you telling me that nowhere in the military is there any longer a job for trained human weapons of destruction such as myself?

Gen. Decker:
Most blood is now shed in the halls of Congress, Payne. Guys like us are becoming dinosaurs.

Major Benson Winifred Payne:
General, surely there must be SOMEBODY left who needs some killing, or some killing done for them.

Gen. Decker:
Sorry, Major. There’s nobody left. You’ve killed them all.

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Major Payne:
Hello little fella. What you had was a nightmare. You know what a nightmare is?

Kevin ‘Tiger’ Dunn:
Uh huh.

Major Payne:
Well then, run on upstairs to bed before that man jump out the closet and chop your head off.

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Major Payne:
I guess I just had that one a comin’ Well you know what ya’ll got a comin’? Seven twenty-three hour days of fun and adventure. I’m gonna make you boys strong!

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Woliger:
[Sees that Alex is putting on his dress blues] Where are you going?

Alex Stone:
To the games. You guys better get ready - we gotta be there in an hour.

Woliger:
Alex… we don’t have a chance without Payne.

Alex Stone:
Listen - Payne or no *Payne,* I’m gonna go out there and get that *stupid* trophy. We busted our asses off out there! Now, I didn’t go through all that to come out empty handed.

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Dex:
How can you not love a British rock band consisting of four teenage bumble bees.

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Vadinho:
I do not need to kill to find you.

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Vadinho:
Each man is a God. Each man is free.

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Kobras:
I always perfer to strike first.

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[repeated line]

Kobras:
Your mind and your will belong to me… forever!

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Kobras:
You cannot escape me! You can no longer jump into space! Because you are made of earth! And to earth, you shall return!

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